I’m kicking off this series of questions for single and engaged Christian women to ask before marriage with a discussion about romance. Have you thought about how you define romance? Let’s take a few things into consideration by thinking through some popular ways romance is portrayed.
I often see low lighting, candle lit dinners with flowers on a table and of course some type of chocolate to set the tone for making a woman feel special. When we talk romance we often think of a type of music or the ambiance of a specific setting. In addition to music and environments it is common to attribute certain items such as red roses or bouquets to a romantic gesture. Romance is the feeling that all of this leads to but why is that relevant as a question Christian women should ask during marriage preparation?
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The thoughts of sweet nothings and fantasizing fill movies, music, and media, but are not always attached to a commitment or intent to build a lasting healthy relationship. Honesty and depth as well as spiritual connection built on the truth of God’s Word are an essential foundation for a godly relationship. A woman preparing to be a godly wife doesn’t need superficial promises and erotic emotions to be the basis of dating. The more appropriate tone for marriage preparation is authenticity.
With that being said your definition and expectation of romance in the context of dating will set the tone for what you measure a man treating you well by. Imagine the shallow depth of a relationship if you are satisfied with a potential mate simply stirring romantic feelings. Not only does the level of susceptibility to compromising your purity increase, but you also will have shaky foundation for a serious relationship such as marriage. In plain terms you need a man to show you who he is not just how he can make you feel.
Look for More than Romance
When you are preparing for marriage as an engaged woman or waiting patiently for a companion as a single woman, my encouragement is to balance the excitement and anticipation with sobriety so that you approach your agreement to spend the rest of your life with this person with open eyes. I am not saying that your time spent together prior to marriage needs to be super serious, but I am saying it needs to be focused. This is a time to prepare for a journey that will require your character to be virtuous, your commitment to be unwavering, your faith to be steadfast, and your partner to be the other side of the deal. Let me explain.
Marriage is between and man and a woman under the guidance of Christ as KING if you cultivating a godly union. With that being said, the man you marry will either work with you in the pursuit of a godly union or against you. The time of preparation and dating is a time to inspect fruit and be very realistic about what a man shows you are his flaws and weaknesses.
You are committing to ALL of him. If you notice there is something in him that you would not like your future children to pattern after, be realistic in understanding that you can’t change him, marriage won’t make him a different person automatically, and certain behaviors and patterns can deeply grieve you once you are in partnership permanently with this man. So now is the time to have your end goal of marriage and being a godly wife in mind. You need your standards to be in line with Christ so that you can experience the beauty of marriage that led to statements such as, “Marriage is honorable in all…” (Hebrews 13:4) being made.
You may be able to persuade a noble man to bring you flowers but chances are low that a man who brings flowers and does romantic things without good character will become noble at your request. Character is the weightier measure. So choose well.
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