Setting great ideals for your future husband will help you lay a foundation for a fruitful marriage. I want to help you carefully consider and formulate those ideals by providing a framework for you to use.
What are some of your ideals for your marriage?
Rather than provide a list of ideals for your relationship or tell you particular traits to look for in a husband, it will be more affective to provide guidance for setting great ideals . The ideals you develop are one part of the whole picture you see for your future marriage. Let me ask: What is your idea of the perfect marriage or the perfect husband?
Current Influences on Your Ideal Relationship Ideas
In your preparation for marriage you might study books or observe couples and adopt a perspective of what your future husband will be like. Influences on your beliefs about perfection in a relationship come from different sources. Your upbringing, the music you listen to, or past relationships are a few examples. One step towards setting the best ideals for your prospective husband is pinpointing your current ideals and comparing them to the guidelines provided below.
Developing Ideals for Your Future Spouse
When you formulate your ideals aim to have standards but do erect an image of your future spouse. A good standard for your future spouse can be a man who follows Christ, for example. An image of your future husband on the other hand would be a man who shows friendliness by smiling all the time. The difference between the two is that we do not marry an ideal, we marry a real man.
We did not create our husbands. Your husband-to-be will come to you with his own personality, inclinations, thoughts, feelings, habits, preferences, annoyances (:/), etc. One major stumbling block to many marriages is expectations of your future husband that you want him to conform to. Now is a good time to shift your mindset to prepare to love who God gives you. Becoming one through love will stretch you to learn to accept him for who he is (that’s the part you can control) rather than change him into the person you want him to be.
Many married couples list accepting one another as the key to longevity in marriage. In other words marriage last when couples are not trying to change each other. This perspective is helpful for setting ideals that are healthy for your husband to be. I suggest using 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 as a guide for your ideals because it will help you focus on your part in the marriage which is love. Frame your ideals with the objective of loving your spouse and building a satisfying relationship.
5 Principles for Setting Your Ideals for Marriage
- Understand the objective of your marriage according to Scripture
- Decipher between negotiables and non-negotiables
- Find a married Titus Two mentor to help you make and finalize your list
- Prepare a method of measurement
- Discuss your ideals your courting to hear feedback and get perspective
Understand the objective of your marriage according to Scripture
Match your list of non-negotiables for your husband to the instructions God gives to husbands. The Bible teaches that the call of a husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. While your husband will need lots of grace as he pursues obeying this command, the desire to love you like Christ is God’s will which makes it a great ideal.
Decipher Between Negotiables and Non-negotiables
When it comes to setting a list of great ideals for your future husbands some things can be optional but will need to be hard and fast. You want to keep in mind that you are making a lifelong commitment to stay married. Do not overlook things that would cause you to sacrifice the core values of who you are. Genesis 2:18 states authentic compatibility as the objective for a husband and wives relationship.Be mindful that you do not overlook areas of incompatibility for the sake of settling for a spouse.
Find a Married Titus Two mentor to help you make and finalize your list
It is a wise move to find an experienced wife to advise you. Not only can you glean from her wisdom while making your list but she can also serve as a role model for your wifehood. When you experience living a shared life in a committed covenant before the LORD you gain perspective about marriage. Godly wives understand the qualities in a man that are harmonious with the call of a wife. Temperament, beliefs about roles, vision for household, ability to own mistakes, servant leadership, etc. are the weightier things that make a good husband.
Prepare a Method of Measurement
During the courting and even engagement season a method of measure is the way you will access your proposed future husband to ensure his thoughts, actions, and values align with your desired ideals. Your measurements should have substance. What criteria will your husband meet for your to consider him to meet a standard? How many times do you need to see it in practice? The aim is not to be rigid, but to avoid hasty conclusions and half-met standards. Take your time, be sure, and do not awaken love before the time.
Discuss your ideals with the man you are courting to hear feedback and get perspective
The desire to have a man that is on the same page as you is not a secretive matter. It is perfectly fine to openly discuss your standards and desires. You also need to hear his standards and desires. Build your foundation on openness and honesty. Openly discuss uncertainty or the desire to wait, take space, or exit. During your premarital season prioritize understanding and agreeing on what your expectations, desires, and purpose together in marriage will be. Note you’re essentially interviewing someone to find out how confident you are to hire them as your leader, a potential father and the head of your household.